The Wisdom Blog

*** *** *** The seed for what is now known as the Next of Kin Registry (NOKR) was planted years ago when Mark Cerney’s childhood caretaker, MiMi passed away while Mark was on his honeymoon. MiMi was in a care center at the time, where Mark visited her every weekend. Most of the staff there knew him by name, but no one thought to call him when she died. Mark began to wonder; with all the great technology we have, surely there must be a way to prevent this tragedy for others. Mark says, “Everyone deserves dignity—the homeless, kids on the street—someone needs to be notified if they are injured or deceased.” *** *** ***

Wisdom is seen in people like Mark Cerney, who not only face life’s losses and adversities but who work with them and transform them into something quite special. This pattern of transformation is common enough to those who have been nominated to Wisdom Out, that I’ve come to understand that redemption of loss for a greater good must be part of the definition of wisdom. I also see a healthy dose of what we’ve come to know as emotional intelligence, a term coined by Daniel Goleman in 1995. Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, moderate and use emotions in oneself and others to effectively navigate work and life. Wisdom and emotional intelligence are not one and the same. But it is hard to imagine a wise person without emotional intelligence. As Wisdom Maker Andy Reeves observes, “Wisdom is about being above the fray.”

So, I offer you this new definition of wisdom:
Wisdom is a way of thinking and being that merges rational thinking, emotional intelligence, intuition and experience to empower people to respond elegantly to important matters of life and redeem life defining loss in exchange for a greater good.

What are your thoughts? What are the redemptive stories in your life? Go ahead and add your two cents. Thanks much, Elle

“To my extreme mortification I grow wiser every day” –Lady Mary Wortley Montagu
English letter author & poet (1689 - 1762)

Warning: What follows is a description of a tedious pet peeve—insignificant in every way except for how irritated I allow it to make me. I tell it to make a point.

Few things in daily life are as painful to me as being a passenger on an airplane during disembarkment, lets say anywhere back of row seven in the main cabin of a medium sized jet. I usually am in a window seat, which provides the positive effect of countering closterphobia during the flight (opening up the whole sky to me as it does, with just a turn of my head) but extracts a dear price when the plane lands. During disembarkment I am trapped, at the mercy of whatever number of people are in the seats next to me and in the rows ahead of me. Why can’t people get off an airplane in an efficient and timely manner? They have the entire flight to formulate a plan for getting off the plane when it lands. They do know they will eventually have to leave the plane, do they not? As a bonified frequent flyer, I can tell you that many passengers appear caught off guard when it is their turn to get off the plane. “What?” They seem to ask when those behind them in the aisle gesture that it is their turn to leave their seat. “You mean I need to get off the plane now?” Then and only then are paperbacks stuffed into pockets and purses, bags retrieved from under seats, suitcases lugged down from overhead containers, and coats shrugged into. Unbelievable! I want to yell out as I watch them, mindful of the ticking clock and the minutes between now and my connecting flight. I am not proud of any of this.

Wisdom is known to show itself during times of adversity. But sometimes adversity masquerades as the mundane irritations of daily life. These irritations may not present profound life changing opportunities, but they challenge us nevertheless. We certainly can behave quite foolishly in response to them, and this response can become a habit that robs joy from our day. Maybe these irritants come to us to give us the chance to flex and strengthen our wisdom muscles. Wisdom Maker Lisa Foley says, “Every small choice prepares you for the larger choices.” Lisa knows wisdom responds to the small trials in life with the same perspective it does to life’s larger challenges. She pays attention to these opportunities, recognizing them for what they are and responding to them as if it mattered—because it does.

A fellow frequent flyer once confided that although he loves his work, he despises the travel portion of his job. He used to let it get to him, to the point where he became physically ill at the thought of the travel ordeal that accompanied every business trip. Finally, exasperated with his complaining, this man’s wife told him “You have to love it all.” Now, that is practical wisdom for the 21st Century!

Where in your life do little trails and adversities appear, giving you a chance to flex your wisdom muscle? How do you respond? What have you learned from the small things, that help you respond to the larger losses and adversities in life?

Several years ago while watching the Oprah show I was moved by a guest who was sharing his personal story of transformation. His name was Bud Welsh and he was the father of Julie, a young woman who was killed when Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols bombed the Murrah Federal Building in Okalahoma City.

Bud was describing his journey from angry father seeking revenge to activist working tirelessly against the death penalty. His transformation was neither easy nor clear. For about eight months after the death of his daughter, Bud was consumed by his loss, withdrawing from family and friends and turning to alcohol to numb his pain. But then while watching the news on TV one night, he saw footage of Bill McVeigh, father of Timothy McVeigh, working in his garden. For several seconds Mr. McVeigh looked directly into the camera and in his stooped shoulders and gaze, Bud recognized the pain of a father with a child in peril. Bud’s heart stirred in that moment and he got back in touch with a long held belief, shared by his daughter Julie, that the death penalty was unproductive and added only more pain to the world. Bud began to speak out against the death penalty in general and specifically related to Timothy McVeigh. He went to New York and met with Bill McVeigh. For the first half hour of their meeting, they worked side by side in McVeigh’s garden, and as Bud Welsh told the story to Oprah, it struck me that these two men had literally found common ground. In an interview with a Florida newspaper (St. Petersburg Times, 2001), Bud Welch says he has never felt closer to God than he did the day he met Timothy McVeigh’s father. He believes that with compassion and forgiveness comes healing.

Around the same time that I saw this particular Oprah show I was beginning a journey of my own—that of learning about wisdom—the topic I was drawn to in my doctoral studies in Organizational Learning at the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque. In my readings I consistently found references to the tight relationship wisdom seems to have with loss. I began to realize that where there is wisdom, loss is lurking close by.

What could account for the transformation in Bud Welch? How do we explain the journey of a person from the depths of despair to compassionate activism that transforms the lives of others and does “good” in the world? Why does one person respond to adversity and loss by transforming themselves or the environment in positive ways, while others respond to similar loss with despair, permanent anger and bitterness? Could the human characteristic we know as wisdom be the answer? If wisdom is a potential in all of us, what activates or depresses its energy? What can we do to facilitate wisdom’s growth?

(reference: Aschoff, S. (2001). Vengence and forgiveness after Oklahoma city. In St. Petersburg Times, April 15, 2001. St. Petersburg, FL.)