Wisdom in Relationships

Wise Up: Good Advice for Fools in Love

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” –Albert Einstein

For some people, romantic relationships represent the wild, wild, west; the place where wisdom has yet to stake out a piece of land. But in the famous words of the late Etta James, most people long to find their love, at last.

Those of you who know me as an author and facilitator of leadership development and organizational change, might be surprised to find me applying the ideas of wisdom to relationships.

Others, who know me personally (and who are relieved that I at last, found love with Len), may find it ironic that I have long written about the nature of wisdom in romantic relationships. But if all of you stop and think about it for a minute, many people who are really great in other areas of their life struggle in romantic relationships. Since I am passionate about understanding the nature of wisdom in all areas of life, why not relationships?


For years, I’ve been interviewing wise people about different aspects of life and work. In 2008, I started to ask them to tell me about love.  Tell me they did.  Catherine said she always knew right away when it was love.  Theresa said love requires you to forgive yourself every morning.  Bonnie just said, “All you need is love.”  They also started to tell me about couples they thought I should interview—an idea I loved and followed up on by adding a place for people to nominate wise couples on the Wisdom Out website nomination page.

The Book

Although “wisdom” may sound lofty or utopian, it is actually gained in the College of Hard Knocks; the challenges, opportunities, blessings and absurdities of living an interesting and reflective life. Therefore, Wise Up is not an academic exposition. Ok, sure, it is true that I wrote my doctoral dissertation on the nature of wisdom, which I hope gives me a certain amount of geeky credibility. Like the road to wisdom itself however, Wise Up takes a quirkier approach to dispensing relationship advice, one that merges enduring concepts of wisdom with perspectives of aficionados in various fields who focus on love and relationships, and stories from real people. The result is a series of ten pointed essays that present the main bit of wise advice, shored up by poignant and often absurd and hilarious stories of real men and women and insight from the aficionados in diverse fields such as science, psychology, neurobiology, behavioral economics, the animal kingdom, and of course, wisdom.

I Like to Hear Your Stories

Listening to the stories people have to tell about the struggles and rewards of love and relationships, is the best thing about this work. Whether you are in a relationship now or want to be, you most likely have a story or two to tell. Stories of real people like you bring ideas to life. Please send me an email so we can schedule a phone conversation.

Do You Know A Wise Couple?

Do you know a wise couple that uses the synergy from their relationship to do something great together?  Tell me about a couple you know, married or not, gay or straight that you feel are living life with wisdom.  The Wisdom Out Relationship project seeks to illuminate the nature of wisdom in couples – to shine a light on the way these plucky pairs navigate life together. Please come to the Wisdom Out website nomination page and send me a note.

Books, and Presentations About Wising Up in Love.

The book is called, “Wise Up: Good Advice for Fools in Love.” I’ll let you know when it will be available. Meanwhile, I’ve put together a presentation to share the wisdom of these amazing couples who have found each other and who have figured out how to sustain something good. At last.

Please contact me to schedule a talk with your group >>